Harvey's Birth Story - Dad's Story

For our first pregnancy there were binders, classes, podcasts. Classes twelve weeks in a row to learn the Bradley method and understand my role as a doula. Nightly foot massages for my pregnant wife. The pregnancy fully engrossing our minds and hearts. The second go-around was very different. With an energetic toddler under our

supervision, a whole lot less physical and mental energy was able to be directed towards the pregnancy. Nonetheless, we were ready. We know it will be quick. We’ll get the midwife over here with a lot more time to spare than last time. We won’t have to frantically set up the birth tub. We’ll get to spend time together, playing games or watching movies in labor. Right? Right?? Nope.

We had an appointment with our midwife Kate earlier in the day, and Katie was getting impatient for her labor to start. Kate offered a membrane sweep to possibly speed up the process. Katie was hesitant because she didn’t want to intervene on the process, but she also wanted to get things going. I remember telling her there was no reason to feel bad about getting it done, and she ultimately decided to do it. We then dropped our son Calvin and our dog Blanca off at the grandparents’ house. I remember thinking, “well, if we’re dropping them off like we planned, it must be happening tonight”. The two of us went to the movie theater and afterwards Katie was giving off the same early labor signs from the first pregnancy; feeling different, some cramping, and just an overall change in her vibe. We got back home and tried to act normal and relax. We informed our friend Carly of the situation and she decided to head over to our house, as she is nearly just as excited to attend the birth as we are. Carly is an ER nurse, so it was a perfect person to have on hand for moral and medical support. I had feelings of both guilt and relief in knowing Carly would be there. With Calvin’s birth I was Katie’s sole lifeline for hours during intense labor. It was a night that brought Katie and I together closer than ever, but was stressful and anxiety-inducing. With Carly there, she would be able to shoulder some of that, but I felt glad to accept a more diminished role in supporting my wife, and thus the guilt.

During the early stages of Katie’s labor, Carly and I huddled around her as the contractions began and sat quietly as they subsided. Apparently too quietly, as Katie felt the spotlight on her and our awkward silent stares. She asked us to put something on the TV, and we opted for a stand-up comedian set by Nate Bargatzi, one of our favorites. As Carly and I laugh at the jokes, it only takes a couple of minutes for Katie to zone out of the television completely. I can tell things are heightening for her, and fast. I decided to give the midwife a call, as there was no way we were going to let this progress too fast for us before the midwife arrived. I’m informing Kate of the situation on speakerphone, and of course Katie is still trying to downplay things and telling her to take her time. Kate and I know better from the first birth, and she jumps in her car. She arrives around midnight and immediately starts assessing Katie. It doesn’t take long for her to realize this birth is coming in HOT, and just like last time, it hits turbo mode and we start preparing everything for the delivery. Carly and I begin to put together the birth tub and fill it with warm water. We rotate between supporting Katie with her contractions and getting the room and tub prepared. Just as soon as it is all set up, Kate knows we need to move to the tub and get ready to push. Katie is in the tub trying to find her position, and I’m trying to find mine. I recall not being able to get in a good position around the tub to be close to Katie, and looking back that felt like a microcosm of my feelings that night – just not being as close to Katie as I wanted to be, both figuratively and physically. Katie’s water had not broken, but the pushing had begun. The midwives are monitoring

Harvey’s heart rate, which is rising. Kate lets Katie know she needs to push and get this baby out. My mind and body have taken note of the heightened tension of the situation. While it felt much longer, in reality Katie was pushing for less than two minutes all together. Her bag of waters breaks and Harvey blasts through and is quickly brought up to Katie’s chest and arms. Out of my peripheral I see that Michelle is preparing the oxygen tank and mask. Harvey

didn’t make any noise. My uneasiness crept higher and higher. He finally let out one soft cry at the prompting from the midwives. I felt some relief but still had a lot of worry inside of me. A few minutes later I stepped out of the room with the midwife Kate as she asked me to express how I was feeling. She reassured me that all is well and Harvey is

healthy. After the hectic happiness and anxious joy of his birth, I slumped between the bed and the wall and proceeded to eat nearly a pint of Nutty Bar ice cream before crawling into bed with my wife and second-born son.